Making Self-Care Tactical — Why You Should Focus on Boundaries, Not Just Bubble Baths

Therapist Jessmina Archbold (publicly known as Minaa B.) shares her detailed guide to deeper self-care work, pushing back against common myths, offering up tactical advice and making the case for focusing on boundaries.

Outline

1. DIMENSIONS AND TIERS — HOW TO TAKE ON THE DEEPER WORK AND REFRAME THE “WHAT IS SELF-CARE?” QUESTION
   1. Dive deeper by diagnosing where you’re depleted.
   2. Take inventory of your self-care toolset.
2. THE CASE FOR PUTTING BOUNDARIES AT THE CENTER OF SELF-CARE
   1. Measure capacity.
   2. Enforce guardrails.
   3. Right-size responsibility.
   4. Take back power in the face of trauma.
3. FIND YOUR TYPE AND DRAW YOUR LINES — TOOLS FOR CONSTRUCTING BOUNDARIES
   1. Pattern match by studying these archetypes and taking this “quiz.”
   2. Draw new lines in the sand with this advice.
   3. Boundaries with others:
   4. Boundaries with ourselves:
   5. Boundaries as a manager:

Self-care is a topic that we’ve danced around for awhile here on The Review. Self-care often stays in shallow waters and recirculates commonly-heard tips. Luckily, we got connected with an expert who grabbed our attention.

“By recycling the same advice, many people don’t recognize that they're creating a box and saying, ‘This is what self-care looks like.’ And that plays a role in why some people feel stuck,” says Jessmina Archbold, a licensed psychotherapist, wellness coach and mental health advocate who is publicly known as Minaa B .

To probe more deeply, Archbold makes the case for why boundary work is at the heart of self-care, sharing archetypes for recognizing common patterns and advice on drawing lines — both with others and yourself.

DIMENSIONS AND TIERS — HOW TO TAKE ON THE DEEPER WORK AND REFRAME THE “WHAT IS SELF-CARE?” QUESTION

Archbold points to another problem spot in how self-care is often misconstrued. “It’s a huge misconception. Self-care is deeper work.”

Dive deeper by diagnosing where you’re depleted.

Archbold breaks down self-care into five different dimensions:

• Physical: About your overall health.
• Social: Community building and connection.
• Emotional: Cues to practice emotional self-care.
• Spiritual: Meditation, affirmations, and more.
• Intellectual: Investing in work through education and personal development.

Take inventory of your self-care toolset.

“Pinpointing how you’re feeling isn’t enough — you need to assess how you can better cope,” says Archbold. Below is an overview of a self-care inventory:

• Tier 1: Immediately accessible. Mindfulness go-tos like deep breathing.
• Tier 2: Financial investments. Requires more resources, such as therapy.
• Tier 3: Time and energy. Long-term intentional work.

THE CASE FOR PUTTING BOUNDARIES AT THE CENTER OF SELF-CARE

“Setting up boundaries is self-care work. Full stop.”

Measure capacity.

“When we lack boundaries, we take on things we don’t have capacity for.”

Enforce guardrails.

“Boundaries teach others how they’re allowed to treat you.”

Right-size responsibility.

“Healthy boundaries give us the ability to understand what we are and are not responsible for.”

Take back power in the face of trauma.

“Self-care is about consistently pouring back into myself.”

FIND YOUR TYPE AND DRAW YOUR LINES — TOOLS FOR CONSTRUCTING BOUNDARIES

Pattern match by studying these archetypes and taking this “quiz.”

• The compliant. Says yes to everything.
• The avoidant. Says no to good opportunities.
• The controller. Wants to control everything.
• The non-responsive. Ignores others’ needs.

Draw new lines in the sand with this advice.

Boundaries with others: “Assess the negative emotion that is consistently coming to the surface.”

Boundaries with ourselves: “Holding yourself accountable is essential.”

Boundaries as a manager: “Create space for others to take care of themselves.”